A year ago, this day. I still remember what I was doing. It was a good day. I was happier then than I am now. I remember what happened. I ended up realizing something, and it was ironic that I realized it on valentines day. If I had known what would happen over the course of the next year maybe things wouldn’t be as they are now. But all the good memories I have as a result of what I realized and what I’ve chased for the last year…I wouldn’t trade them for anything. The bad times sucked but you take the good with the bad. I had more of a chance last year than I do now, I’m farther away from what I want now, at least that’s what I think. It means more to me than anyone realizes. I keep telling myself to forget it, and so do my friends. But I’m too stubborn to give up. I know I have no chance but for some reason that doesn’t stop me. Cause that smile lights up my day when I see it. 

Maybe I’ve watched too many movies or read too many books with happy endings. Who knows, I sure as hell don’t. Being lonely all the time is really starting to get old though. I would more than willingly trade away so many things in exchange for what I really want. It would be nice to just have someone tell me I’m good enough and they don’t want me to be any different or any better. All I ask for is a chance. 

So I guess this is how I really feel. I’m done venting/ranting now. Hope anyone that reads this had a better day than me.

Cheers